Hot Gay Chat Lines

Warbling cockney-banshee, Jessie J, has taken to Twitter to announce she no longer likes the moist tickle of a woman and will only ever ‘love’ men. She goes on to explain that, like many young people exploring their sexuality, it was a ‘phase’ and we shouldn’t hold on to these just because it was publicised in the media. However many greeted the news with cynicism wondering if she ever was bisexual in the first place. I have to admit there is a faint whiff of something in the air and it isn’t fish. Is it? Yes it’s the unforgettable stench of bullshit I smell coming off Jessie J.

After years of tirelessly fighting politicians, the church and various other small minded morons we can finally crown ourselves the glorious victors and officially marry our same sex partners. The change will take place from Saturday 29th March with weddings taking place at the stroke (ooh errr) of midnight. Blithering no-mark and all round Tory cum-dump, Nick Clegg, has ordered a rainbow flag be flown at Whitehall to mark the historic change. Nice to see they give all the important jobs to our deputy Prime minister. Rather than fly a flag here at GN towers we thought we would look back on the journey our fight for marriage has taken over the years.

With 34% of Americans still against gay marriage, it would seem the struggle for equality over the pond has still got a long way to go. But fear not my American bum-chums, we’ve finally found someone to speak out against these god fearing, homophobic nincompoops…He just happens to be 4 years old. That’s about the average mental age of most Americans isn’t it?

Usually during this period of relentless, romantic twattery, I can be found either throwing broken bottles at couples or cursing society for reminding me that I’m desperately single and most probably going to die alone, in my bed, surrounded by stray cats that I cling to for want of being loved. This year however I have somehow managed to bag myself a man, meaning I can finally stand on the other side of the relationship fence pointing and laughing at all those desperate singletons who are reminded that they will probably die alone…Surrounded by cats. But as my laughter and finger pointing subsides, I turn around and realise that this side of the fence is just as fucking shit.

When you mention the word theatre to a gentleman of the homosexual persuasion, they will generally break out the jazz hands and start gleefully recounting the time they went to see Wicked. God forbid you mention that you haven’t seen it; this type of blasphemy is usually met with shit rendition after shit rendition of every fucking song in the show. By the time they reach Defying Gravity gaggles of homosexuals have usually gathered, ferociously Tossing off all over each other screaming out Idina Menzel’s name… And they would be absolutely right to do so, Wicked is AMAZING! But for those serious, deep thinking gays that like their theatre a bit less musical and more, well theatre, you need catch the final performance of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival hit show, Forever 27.