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Like the cockroach I thought Joan Rivers would still be around long after the human race had expired. Her synthetic, sour-puss face has delighted gays for decades, with many of us wishing we had her swagger and sass. She may not always have been funny or kind but she was certainly intoxicating and a joy to watch. So now that the most glamorous fossil on record has finally passed away, we all suddenly feel very aware of our own mortality.
There’s only one thing trendier than attending a gay wedding at the moment and that’s having one of the bastards yourself. This global phenomenon has swept through the civilised world, polarising religious and political opinions in its wake. But as the dust settles on this momentous leap forward for mankind I now wonder what the future holds for your average turd-tickling couple?
You have been dating your hot bit of fluff for some time now and it's beginning to get serious. You’ve practically moved into his flat, commandeered a drawer for yourself in his bedroom and have even entered into talks on the big one… What small, yappy dog should we get? But deep in the darkest recesses of your mind there’s the dull ache of worry that grows that little bit more painful each day. You try not to think about it, focusing on the other fun relationship stuff, but it is all in vain as your partner finally utters that fateful question, ‘Want to come up to my parents for the weekend?’ And so it begins. What started out as a casual fuck every second Saturday has now come to this. It’s time to meet the parents.
The Westboro Bapist Church aren’t really known for their musical talents, like me you probably only know them as that ‘God Hates Fags’ cult, who love waving around shoddily designed signs at wholly inappropriate times. Well about to have your mind blown as the Church we all love to hate goes all musical on your sin-sodden ass.
Usually around this time I’m feverishly writing down my woes on all things Gay Pride. It wouldn’t be uncommon for me to write something like; all pride is about these days are aging twinks off their nut, clambering over skips and phone boxes to catch a glimpse of more aging queens farting about down the middle of the road on fucking roller blades. I may have also written such bold statements as; Pride has no relevance these days and has been turned into a commercial shambles. Or simply; Pride is fucking shit. But this year we actually do have some rather large victories in the fight for equality that we should actually be proud of!
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