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With 34% of Americans still against gay marriage, it would seem the struggle for equality over the pond has still got a long way to go. But fear not my American bum-chums, we’ve finally found someone to speak out against these god fearing, homophobic nincompoops…He just happens to be 4 years old. That’s about the average mental age of most Americans isn’t it?

Usually during this period of relentless, romantic twattery, I can be found either throwing broken bottles at couples or cursing society for reminding me that I’m desperately single and most probably going to die alone, in my bed, surrounded by stray cats that I cling to for want of being loved. This year however I have somehow managed to bag myself a man, meaning I can finally stand on the other side of the relationship fence pointing and laughing at all those desperate singletons who are reminded that they will probably die alone…Surrounded by cats. But as my laughter and finger pointing subsides, I turn around and realise that this side of the fence is just as fucking shit.

When you mention the word theatre to a gentleman of the homosexual persuasion, they will generally break out the jazz hands and start gleefully recounting the time they went to see Wicked. God forbid you mention that you haven’t seen it; this type of blasphemy is usually met with shit rendition after shit rendition of every fucking song in the show. By the time they reach Defying Gravity gaggles of homosexuals have usually gathered, ferociously Tossing off all over each other screaming out Idina Menzel’s name… And they would be absolutely right to do so, Wicked is AMAZING! But for those serious, deep thinking gays that like their theatre a bit less musical and more, well theatre, you need catch the final performance of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival hit show, Forever 27.

When mincing through Soho you could be forgiven for thinking that we had travelled back to 1950’s America. One only has to utter the words Putin, Russia or St Petersburg and gays in the vicinity begin yelling about the atrocities our homosexual comrades face, others start accusing you of being a Putin Sympathiser while the rest them scream in horror and run for the hills. It would seem Russia has reclaimed its title as the Shit of Shits, but this time rather than bringing the world to the edge of nuclear annihilation, W believe they want to exterminate the gays. But is all this anger and political pressure the smarmy western states are piling on Russia justified? According to the Russian Prime minister not a single gay in Russia has complained about the law. So why has the rest of the world demonised Russia?

I don’t know about you but, after a very enjoyable Christmas (and by enjoyable I mean shit) I’m a bit behind with what’s going on in the wonderful world of Gaydom. So in order to get us all back up to speed with our gay news, I have complied this brief round-up of all things queer happening in the world this week. So let’s all metaphorically throw Christmas under a bus, not call 999 and jump straight into 2014…